Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
