Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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