Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
