I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
