I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
