He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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