it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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