I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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