I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize