idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
