do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
