There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
