Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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