I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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