We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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