The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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