The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
