yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
