I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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