Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
