You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
