I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
