He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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