I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
