You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i now understand why vodka
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
