butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
