so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize