I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my being single is dangerous.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize