Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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