Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
