Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
