So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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