I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
