I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
