why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
