K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
