My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
