I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
