They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
