my phone needs a breathalizer
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
