I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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