just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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