we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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