I just saw a hot homeless man
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
