My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
