dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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