she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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