Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
