oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
