you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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