Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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