Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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