Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
