I never want to see another naked old woman again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
