Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
