I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
