Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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