garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
