You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
