# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
