Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
