I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
