Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
