I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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