I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
