Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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