And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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