i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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