apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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