since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
