I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
