I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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