no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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