My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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