Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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