you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
