My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
