I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
