The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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