Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
