you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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