I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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