so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
