and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
