If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
