White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
