the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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