you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
